(Warning: a rarely-seen pessimistic side of chelle will be seen here. Read with caution.)
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Wow. I can't believe I haven't blogged in over 3 weeks! That must be a new slackin record. But in my defense, I have felt like absolute garbage for the past 3 weeks and when I feel like crud I get really really cynical and pessimistic and I probably would have just ranted and raved on a post about any and everything that annoys me. So I'll only do a little bit of that right now. =)
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I'm not even gonna lie. I'm not enjoying this whole pregnancy thing as much as I thought I would. Growing up I pictured being pregnant as this glorious and edifying experience for all 9 months but I've honestly only felt that for a couple of days sporadically. Most days that elated feeling is overshadowed by everything from nausea to bloating to food aversions to wicked uterine ligaments cramping and stretching so it makes it kind of hard to see the good over the bad. I was crying to Dean a couple of days ago because I felt bad that I wasn't reveling in this little miracle that we created and didn't know how I was going to survive the next 7 months and I felt like a bad mommy-to-be because no one ever talks about how sucky things are at first so I didn't know if what I was feeling was normal. My wonderful friend Hannah in Vancouver, WA is also pregnant, she's due 8 days after I am and it's been so therapeutic to talk to her on the phone a lot and share stories of what we're going thru and what our fears and frustrations are because dang, this is some scary life changing stuff we've got going on. We're both bloaty, sleepy, hormonal emotional wrecks but at least we've bloaty, sleepy, hormonal emotional wrecks together. Everyone keeps telling us that it'll get better in a couple of weeks to a couple of months but that's hard to comprehend when 1 day feels like a billion hours. Seriously, some days are so bad that I wish I could be induced into a coma and not wake up until it's time to start pushing the baby out. I hate most foods, which that in itself is depressing since I've loved food all my life, and I am to the point that I am about to just live on cereal for the next 7 months because it's the only thing I consistently like and the smell doesn't nauseate me. Bring on the Life, Kix, Cheerios, and Rice Krispies bay-bee!!! But then I always have this nagging in the back of my brain that tells me I need to get enough daily protein and if I don't our baby is going to have some developmental delays and it'll be all my fault. I asked my midwife about it and she just smiled and essentially said don't lose sleep over it and that the baby will get what it needs no matter what. She said that as long as I take my prenatal vitamins and my Omega 3's and try to get some protein in but don't lose sleep over not getting the recommended 75 grams of protein per day, I am good to go.
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Don't get me wrong though, Dean and I are very very excited to be having a baby that we so desperately wanted and prayed for, and I sometimes feel bad for griping about my discomforts and fears, but then I remember that I am human and I am entitled to gripe and don't have to tell everyone that "I'm doing awesome and I've never been better" when they ask me how I'm feeling. This part of pregnancy is not fun at all, and I don't know how or why women choose to go through this process time and time again but I'm sure I'll fall into that reproducing category myself when we want peanut #2, thank you very much Oxytocin.
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That is my gripe. That is all. I'll now take a bow and exit stage left.
13 comments:
Chelle, I'm so sorry. I wish I could have warned you, but all women deal with it differently. I didn't struggle much at all with feeling sick. Well, not true. I remember feeling like crap with Jayden, but I don't remember how bad it was. I didn't throw up much at all, and by the second trimester I was peach keen! What I do remember is that I was the BIGGEST cry baby with Jayden and the PISSIEST you know what with Ryleigh. Oh, and I broke out like nobody's business. Yes, I remember that like it was yesterday. I hope you don't have that happen. You'll get feeling a lot better soon, and then you'll just be tired and sick of having something inside of you, weighing you down and hurting your back and you just want to see it! I'm here for you ANY time you want to gripe. I love pregnancy griping, it's the best. Oh, and I also wanted to inform you that your baby will be fine, even if you ate nothing but cereal. As long as you are taking your prenatals, your good. Obviously it's best if you eat healthy, but keep reminding yourself that anorexic people have had normal healthy kids, so someone who actually puts any food into their mouth should be good. If you aren't feeding your baby what it needs, it will steal it from you, seriously. It will take it from you, so no need to worry about the baby being healthy. You need to worry about you. Okay, blah, blah, blah, I know everything there is to know about everything, blah, blah, call me sometime to get out the crazies.
I hated to eat too with my first pregnancy. I actually forgot about that until I read your blog and it reminded me. But it's true, there is a very good chance that you'll feel a whole lot better during your 2nd trimester. Just hang in there because it'll be over before you know it (it just doesn't seem like it right now).
Yeah, so, I pretty much hate being pregnanat more than most things I can think of. I love our little family though - it will be worth it eventually! I completely hear you on the coma-until-birth thing. :) I remember almost crying myself to sleep a few times, because if I was crying enough I didn't feel nasty and nauseous for at least WHILE I was crying. Some advice I got to help it not gt completely overwhelming: Don't let yourseld get -too- hungry, or -too- tired. Those are the moments when it seems to get the worst! The offer about laying on someone else's couch is still open! Maybe we have a different knd of cereal... ;-)
Awww, chelle. I'm sorry your pregnancy right now isn't what you thought it would be. Welcome to Motherhood!! You will never stop worrying about if you're doing the best for your children, especially with the first. I am constantly wondering if Joshua is getting the food he needs and if there's anything else I could be doing for his nutritional needs. The situations change as they get older, but the worrying never goes away. You just do your best and that's all you can do. Plus, there's tons of protein in milk, so a cereal diet shoudn't be all that bad :)
I'm glad you and Hannah have each other to commiserate with and go through this time with someone who is experiencing the same thing. That really helps just knowing you're not alone. You already are a great mother and you're just going to get better as Baby Sheldon continues to grow in and out of utero.
I totally know how you feel! The first part of pregnancy seriously does bite. But as soon as you get over that it really is wonderful. And a little trick I did when I was pregnant with Samuel (since I also HATED food) were those Carnation breakfast drinks. I seriously survived on those the first three months. At least Breakfast and lunch. So you should try that out sometime. And then you don't have to eat! Bleh. Silly pregnancies. It's worth it though. :)
Let me start by saying I SO know what you're going through. My first trimester was so awful, it's a miracle I lived through it at all. But once I hit the 4-month mark, I felt SO much better, and the rest of my pregnancy was a breeze, for the most part. I never thought I'd say it, but I really do miss being pregnant. The beautiful baby you'll get at the end of this all makes it more than worth it. And in response to your question, we came up with the name Kaelyn because we wanted something Celtic, since Ty's family is Scottish and my family is Irish. We found the name on a baby name website, but the spelling has been Americanized. Do you guys have any names picked out yet?
I'm so sorry, but it will be worth it, I promise! I was so sick for the first 16 weeks of both of my pregnancies. I remember with Sadie, at BYU knowing where all of the bathrooms were by all of my classes because I would be throwing up all day long, not fun!
I know it might be hard to think of it this way, but morning sickness can be a good sign that everything is okay with the baby. I had one miscarriage and wasn't nearly as sick as my other 2 healthy pregnancies.
Good luck, oh and try vitamin B6 with 1/2 a unisom before bedtime, it helped me a lot.
Oh, I completely second the vitamin B6/Unisom combo. It made it tolerable so many times. I even have some Unisom left over if you want to try it.
LOL, I can't wait chelle for my day. (-: You sound crappy, but that little peanut is just draining it all from you. Nothing for you and everything for the baby. You will fall in love with it, and be sure to gripe anytime, it makes us all feel better, that's for sure!!
Oh poor Chelle. I remember my morning sickness with my third...oh wait, I don't have any kids. I've never complained about cereal or any other food that graces my plate. In fact, I love food immediately followed by a roller coaster ride.
But seriously, sorry you're sickly. Get my niece/nephew all the protien and artichokes it wants. And don't think I haven't noticed that you're spending more time kneeling by the toilet than calling me...
As an experienced woman in pregnancy, I can honestly say being pregnant SUCKS BIG TIME!!!!!! Sorry I did not tell you sooner ;-)
Yeah, it is not fun. Think of pregnancy as a necessary evil to get that baby. I have never forgot what it felt like being pregnant or what labor feels like. So if you ever want the real deal, just let me know and I will be honest with you. hehehe
I hope it gets better for you. The second trimester is usually tolerable. And I always said you have to get REALLY PISSED at being pregnant and carrying this life sucking alien in you before you will go into labor. So anyways, I am here for you!
I seriously missed your blog posts! You should post more often. :-P
I'm sorry that you have been so sick lately. I really hope that it gets better for you soon!
When are we going out to take pictures?? Do you have any times in mind?
Chelle,
I know quite a few people who have HATED the entire pregnancy experience! I hope you feel tip top in no time. Just think, fairly soon you will be feeling those little kicks etc. and that is when pregnancy feel completely real and amazing!
I love ya and am SO excited to see you. Also, tell Dean that I said Happy Birthday about a month late. Sorry, I really wanted to call but lost your number (my phone was dropped in the toilet, don't ask who did it, that part is a little embarrassing).
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