Stress and Crying

Dean here.

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First off, Kara is not dying in any way shape or form, contrary to what we've been hearing from concerned friends and family.

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So, this morning was a little stressful. We woke up to find Kara under a bili-light. Now, this was brand new to chelle, but I vaguely remember the nurse coming in around 3 telling me her bilirubin was at critical levels and she needed to get some UV light exposure and was that ok for her to do? In a half asleep voice my response probably sounded like this, "what? Ok sure, I'd love some pancakes for breakfast", roll over and back to sleep within mili-seconds. This was compounded with a lot of other issues, for example she hadn't peed or pooped all night long and that was not ok, she was jaundiced, she's had a hard time figuring out how to eat, she's super lethargic, and even though she's on an IV she's not out-putting what she ought to.

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When chelle woke up and saw her she just started to cry because it was one more thing that went wrong and we couldn't figure it out. When I wake up a little bit later after only a couple of hours sleep in days to see my wife crying, my baby under a lamp wearing goggles which weren't see through, and chelle saying that once again she wouldn't eat I tried to be strong. So we prayed to understand what was happening, and to be able to get through yet one more hurdle that was placed before us, and then I start to lose it, which I NEVER do.

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After our prayer we feel that we need to ask our family and ward to fast and pray for her. It seems like after one thing gets cleared up there is something else waiting. So I go out to the family waiting room to start calling people thinking I can be composed. Throughout this whole labor and NICU ordeal I haven't let myself be emotional because I need to be strong and supportive. But now I start to lose it a lot. I just sit and cry for a couple minutes before I call our Bishop to ask if the ward would do this for us. I try to tell him a little bit about it, but I think it came out worse than I meant it to. After I talked to the bishop I called a couple of other people from church, my grandparents, sister, some friends to ask them the same thing, and I can't help but cry in between calls and have crying voice. When I went back to our room I recieved an email from my grandpa to the whole family that kind of makes it sound like Kara is on death's doorstep, and talk with a friend who asked us if Kara was really going to be leaving us. That's when I start to think that maybe I was a little too emotional. Since I don't EVER cry people probably thought that only the worst thing ever could make me cry.

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Also, after I came back to the room we talked with the doctor and he alleviated all of our fears telling us how things were connected and that it wasn't really all that bad, just a lot of little things and she ought to be fine within a few days at least. The night nurse 'Radney' had told us she might have to stay for up to another week if Kara doesn't start to turn things around soon.

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So to sum it all up. Kara is still sick but is going to be fine. We still need and appreciate all of the prayers and fasts on her and our behalf because she still has quite a bit of work to do and improvement to show before she's allowed to come home with us. I am imposing a ban on myself that I do not get to talk to people when I'm super emotional, chelle and I are feeling way more positive now than we were this morning, and we have a lot of friends and family that care a whole lot about us and her. We're just taking one hour at a time.

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Thank you to all of you who have offered support, love, and prayers. Our spirits have truly been lifted thanks to you.